Posts about family life

Living Into Our Inheritance

Posted on June 29, 2018

Let’s suppose that you awaken tomorrow morning to a phone call. Some distant relative has died and left you with an ample inheritance that will set you up for the rest of your life. You have to wait to receive it in full, though, for five years. But for the next five years, you can ask for what you need, and it will be provided. How would you live the next five years differently than you live your life now? You do not have the inheritance in your bank account yet, but your future is secure. Well, in fact, this is the truth for every believer: Jesus, when he ascended, left us with an inheritance.

My husband’s grandmother died, and her daughters divided up the inheritance. The grandchildren were asked what they would like. My husband asked for a teapot from the thirteen that were in his grandparents’ kitchen. Those, we were told, were already claimed. Later we were allowed into the basement to put our names on anything leftover that we desired, and they would review the requests of all the grandchildren. We found a lonely teapot in the basement and put our name on it. We received that forgotten, exiled to the basement, teapot, which we sarcastically now refer to as, “Nana’s favorite teapot.”

Sometimes we think that God’s inheritance for us is like that basement teapot--the leftovers. It’s good and serviceable, and even brings joy. But it isn’t specifically chosen for me, set aside, preserved in love.

What is the inheritance you are receiving?

“Do not fear little one, for the Lord has been pleased to give you his kingdom.” We are being given a kingdom. This is no leftover, cheap handout. This is a costly gift. It is a kingdom that comes with a king who has given everything for you to be his heir.

What is this kingdom that is my inheritance?

Oswald Chambers says that eternal life is not a gift from God, it is the gift OF GOD. I am given God. Eternal life is the life Jesus lived here on this earth, and now it is in me. Paul calls this the mystery of our faith, our great inheritance: Christ in me, the hope of glory. In Ephesians 1:14 he says that the Holy Spirit is the guarantee or downpayment on our inheritance, until we require full possession of it. While we wait to receive ALL that is ours, we have the Holy Spirit of God. What does this look like in our everyday life?

We have ETERNAL GENES: the eternal internalized.

According to I Peter 1, we have an imperishable seed--different genes. I actually have come into Christ when I am born again, and I now carry Jesus’ genes...literally in my body. CHRIST IN ME. This is the mystery and the hope of glory.

Recently, I was angry at the way I was treated by a fellow Christian. I stewed about it for a few days. Then I felt the Lord say, “You are a Christian. You have all it takes for you to forgive. You have me. Are you willing?” I have Jesus genes from which to forge new reactions.

I Peter 1:22-23 says, “Love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God.” How do I love? I have been BORN AGAIN of seed that is imperishable. How can I let that slight pass me by? Because Christ did, and he is within me to live out his life. How can I forgive someone who betrayed me? Christ did, and he is within me to live out his life. How can I give up anxiety? I have Christ’s genes of confident hope within. Christians love because they have love genes.

The Lord does not expect that we can stir up love, forgiveness, or patience. It is not that we simply follow his example, “WWJD” (What Would Jesus Do), for that becomes work that wears us out.

Instead, he puts the Holy Spirit within us so that it becomes natural for us to live in virtue only because the life of Jesus is literally filling our bodies. Virtues are fruit of the Holy Spirit, not simply choices and actions that we practice.

When I inherit God, I am inheriting tangible gifts, such as: grace, faith, life, love, hope, but only as they are nested in God’s person. How many times do we want a certain particular result to a prayer but not the real inheritance of God with me, God in me. I want a new house or healing from an illness, or success for my child, and God says, “Ask for the full inheritance.” Luke says, Ask, Seek, Knock, and he will respond, for how will he not give the Holy Spirit to those who ask!

We have ETERNAL RESOURCES.

As Christians, we can live outside of common sense with our money and our time because of who we are--in the family of God with all of God as our rich and glorious inheritance.

God not only gives us financial resources, but emotional, spiritual, and physical resources. We usually live by what we see instead of the possibilities in God himself.

One time my mother, before the days of internet searches, wanted to find a family in a 20 million person city who had been in the news. She wanted to share the Gospel with them. We chuckled a little at her confidence that she would find them. Her comment was, “I have the God of the universe who knows exactly where they are. He will share his knowledge with me, and I will find them.” We prayed in faith for this to happen. She was not surprised (though we were!) when she was at a party and found herself standing beside a cousin of the family. The cousin then set up a meeting with the family, at which time my mother shared the Gospel. I was instructed by such confidence in the resources of God.

We have an ETERNAL HOME.

We are restless down here--always dissatisfied with this place as home. May it always be so. We cannot live as if this world is our home, or we will forego so much of our inheritance while we are here. When Jonathan and Rosalind Goforth built a house in Changte, China that had wooden floors and glass windows, they did it because it would attract the Chinese to come and visit them. They would have hundreds of people go through their home in a day, sometimes for weeks. Rosalind would teach the Gospel inside the home; Jonathan would teach outside. Anything not nailed down would be stolen. Their attitude was that this house of theirs was God’s to be used as he desired to reach the world. Imagine viewing our earthly homes as a temporary place that God uses for the sake of his kingdom because we know that we have an eternal home that is prepared for us...and is beautiful beyond compare.

God’s vision for our home is eternal; the home we build here must have that eternal perspective, or we will lose so much of the inheritance he is imparting to us now...that participation in his kingdom.

Why do we live as paupers, not as if we have an eternal inheritance?

This rich inheritance that we are told actually takes revelation to grasp is a treasure that we so often leave unmined, unexplored, undiscovered. God, we complain, has all these benefits to pour out, but here I am waiting, and I’m not seeing the cascading benefits.

In actuality, God created us to pour out his benefits on us; but the benefits are bound up in his person. He gives himself. We come to God so compressed and pinched, crowded with other desires, cluttered with the wrong dreams, that we have so little room for our inheritance...which is God Himself. And God is not tame. With him comes a wind that stirs up our own ideas of life and value, image, time, money...and until we are willing for all of that to be rearranged, we will forfeit the fullness of our inheritance.

We want to feel different, but we don’t always want a disruption to our affections and our inclinations. Well, the inheritance is God, not a pack of presents, and we have so little room for God. We are much more committed to our own earthly ideas of inheritance to let go of them that easily. We love the world and what it has to offer more than God. But God can help us with this…

How does God help us access our inheritance?

He sends us trials! These trials turn us away from our complaints, our small, cracked thinking, our satisfaction with this world, to the vast, magnanimous, cosmic expanse of the Lord...if we submit to the trials. We have so little capacity to receive God. The Holy Spirit has to soften us, make the stone in us flesh so that we can absorb life, so that the atrophied places in us are able to pulse with new life.

The last twenty years for me have been an emptying out of my ideas of inheritance. The enemy of our souls creates an illusory inheritance, like a chimera that we keep chasing. God does us a favor when he frees us from that illusory pursuit. I always wanted to live a sacrificial life and see great works of God, but I wanted to be aware of myself and enjoying myself doing these great things for God. I wanted to live in the miraculous world of God’s constant provision and the obvious results of my work for God. This was more about my feeling accomplished in my life for God than in my drawing closer and closer into the mind and heart of God.

Years of diapers, and allergy diets for kids, and muddy boys, and constant demands on my minutes, my energy, my limited resources, my sleep, and then discoveries of my own impatience and anxieties left me sometimes wondering: is this my inheritance?

It was when all the capacity to be pleased with myself was gone, that I discovered what Psalm 84 talks about: in their hearts are the highways to Zion. And Psalm 36, “He has shown me the wonders of his love in a besieged city.” God doesn’t want my performance. He wants me. He wants to be able to impart his love to me anywhere at any time.

My inheritance was all around me, just hidden like the Pearl of Great Price. God in my day, speaking to me. God in this child right in front of me, bubbling with life, God in a word of Scripture. The Lord didn’t let up and hasn’t. He wants to empty me of the expectation that in this world I could somehow be fulfilled, when my true desire is to be united with him. The beauty of our inheritance is that it begins now in the impartation of the Holy Spirit. I don't need to live on ramen while I am waiting for the feast. I am offered the bread of heaven.

I can actually say that, through trials, God is giving me such a greater level of healthy detachment from the world and a greater investment in my real inheritance. It is like unlocking a door into a universe I never knew was behind the door while I was living in a small cramped room and thinking that was all there was, when the door stood right before me.

Trials wean us from what has filled us and given us meaning so that we can find ourselves empty and ready for the filling of God.

Only in the squeeze do we see what is truly in our hearts and find ourselves ready for the transforming work that Christ can and will bring as we surrender. We are incapable of living into our inheritance of “Christ in Us” because our vessel for receiving God (the imagination, heart, and body) is restricted and pinched. The only way God can stretch us and carve out an expansive space for himself is through emptying us. And that rarely feels comfortable.

Fear not, little flock, for it is God's good pleasure to give you his kingdom. Welcome to your inheritance. Don't leave it unclaimed.

If you would like to listen to an audio of a similar teaching on this subject that I gave at our diocesan clergy retreat, you can access it by the link below. It has some of the same material, but is greatly expanded.

The Sacredness of Your Child's Imagination: Part II: Practicalities

Posted on March 16, 2018

Portcullis at Hever Castle

It is a heavy responsibility to be the primary gatekeeper for your children's imaginations until they grow up to be old enough to take on the responsibility themselves. Their imaginations are priceless treasures that you are given the opportunity to shape and guide so that they have a rich inner life.

This is the second part to a post that casts the vision for the battle we are in for our children's imaginations. Please read or re-read that post so that this does not seem like a list of heavy burdens or rules. It is the vision that motivates all our choices.

So here are some practical ways to foster a rich imagination in the lives of your children:

Principles:

A: As few devices as late as possible (every device you add takes time and energy to manage and steals time from more imaginative pursuits).

B. As little screen time as possible.

C. As simple toys as possible (see my list of resources for ideas)

D. As embodied as possible (time in the presence of people)

Practicalities:

1. THE GREATEST BOOK and GREAT BOOKS: Give your children the gift of a rich heritage in the Word of God. I had a professor in graduate school who said she hated religion. She said she only tolerated it because it preserved language, for who didn’t know I Corinthians 13 or Psalm 23. ( I think now many do not!) Well, if an atheist can acknowledge the power of Scripture simply from a literary point of view, certainly we know that it is the path to abundant life. If your children never memorize any poetry but Psalms it would be OK, because they would have their imaginations full of beautiful language AND the words that lead to eternal life. The Bible has so many genres of literature and is so beautifully written and it embodies the one true story from which all other true stories spin. “I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against You.” Psalm 119 is full of images of what the word of God unlocks for us. “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” I am grateful to my parents who gave me a multi-layered immersed life in the Word of God. It was memorizing a lot of Scripture; it was family Bible study every night; it was singing hymns together in the car. It was missionary stories on the reel to reel when we were sick. When your children are little, read Bible story books, act out Bible stories, memorize verses.

Expanding from the greatest book, welcome in the best books. If you give children good books, you give them worlds beyond themselves. They can share experiences, know people, understand cultures that they themselves will never be exposed to personally in their short lives, except through living books. Children have to be taught what is a good book. When I used to take my children to the bookstore and say, "I'll read you one book you pick out," my daughter would bring me a barbie book. I would have to tell her, "This is not a story. Let's go find a story that well written." Now my daughter is a college literature major and knows the difference! But it took time.

Go to the library by yourself with a list in hand. My list is available on the website, as are many other good lists. Come home with a stack of books that includes something for everyone. They will meet you at the door and be dragging them out of the bags in the entryway. Trips to the library with children are a treat for them, but it is not the time for you to find good books.

Have stacks of the right kind of books available everywhere. Check out books with good pictures on any interesting subject and leave them lying around. Children will leaf through books on shipbuilding or inventions or the Civil War. Audio books are a great option for pre-readers but also for children who have the capacity to engage with books far beyond their reading capacity. I try to keep a shelf for each child with the books that I hope he or she will get to that year. When a child needs a book to read, I send him to his shelf.

Don’t let your kids read books just bec. everyone is reading them (like the Twilight series or Goosebumps). It is not true that “it is just good they are reading.” When they are eating candy, we don't say, "It's just good they're eating." Their ideas about life will be shaped by what they ingest in movies, books, and music.

Read to your children, and it will become your favorite part of the day...and theirs.

2. GOOD ART AND GOOD MUSIC: expose children to classical music. Put it on all the time. Limit the worthlessness of pop music. Put on folk music, world music, worship music...whatever has value to building up the love of beauty. Encourage taking music lessons and regular practice. Then they can play together. I never would have guessed how my children would play music together and fill their time and our home with great music. Invite people into your home who can catalyze music making. Your children can join in or just listen.

3. A CLOUD OF WITNESSES: Give your children the breadth of the Church and Family. Give them an imagination for being a part of something so much vaster and greater. Read biographies of saints and missionaries. Expect your children to participate in the life of the church, for instance, we asked our children to give toward our church’s building campaign sacrificially, and we helped them discern what their commitment should be. Children need to be part of praying for lost people your family is connected to, to help with the hospitality extended to people who you are making room for in your home, and they need to be present in conversations with missionaries others from overseas and those who can expand their hearts for the Gospel. Ask those visiting your home from far away, "What do you see God doing where you are living?" and make sure your children are listening. One time we had some dear friends of ours who did work in Kabul, Afghanistan for years and lived through the Taliban, coming through town. We mentioned that we were going to take them out to dinner so that we could talk. The kids cried out in one voice, “Oh no, you don’t. We want to be with them!”

4. FAMILY TRADITIONS: Create family traditions that embody what is important to you. The imagination thrives on these kind of embodied hooks. Plan how you can create traditions around the rhythms of the church calendar so that Advent actually draws them into preparation and the anticipation of Jesus’ coming, that Lent captures the rhythm of life where we hold back, clean out, re-evaluate. You can do this with liturgies, icons and pictures, colors, acts of service, activities.

5. BOREDOM: Allow boredom. Children need boredom. We feel like we are supposed to provide constant stimulation for our children. So we put DVD players in cars, hand them phones when they have to wait, have TVs going all the time, and as soon as they tell us they are bored, we think it is a demand on our own creativity to come up with something. I’m not talking about the rare exceptions (I was relieved we had a computer with a DVD player on our sabbatical trip to Brazil when we got delayed 24 hours). If children are denied media, they will find things to do. See my post: "In Praise of Boredom."

6. TIME: Simplify your children’s schedules so that they have TIME. Time is essential to the developing imagination. A child has to have unstructured time to follow an idea, to make something, to teach themselves a skill, to experiment. Children of today have the schedules of adults. They move frantically from one appointment to another with little time for reflection or creativity. (Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne is a book worth reading about this). Children need to be doing less. Parents are the ones who have pushed for this out of fear that their children will not be super kids. How were the Wright brothers able to invent an airplane? They spent hours together building and experimenting when they were children. Parents are the ones who are going to have to push to slow this down. Evaluate your children’s schedules. When do they have nothing? They need to have chunks of time in which nothing is scheduled. You may need to train them to use time creatively simply by insisting that it not be filled with media.

7. DIALOGUE: Dialogue with your children. Be shaping their awareness to what is already there. What is that bird that just landed on the wall? Wow, look at this tile; it looks almost Arabic. What do you think of the way this building is designed? Children are losing the capacity to dialogue and listen. Talk to them in the car, while making dinner, while waiting in line. Children need to be around adults. Don’t always hand them media so that they don’t have to sit and listen. We also need to recognize that younger kids can only sit for so long; but don’t shuffle them off to media. Try to include them in the conversation, but don’t make them the focus, either. They need to learn to give their attention to someone else. Sometimes it may be absolutely necessary for the purpose of an important conversation to let very young children watch some appropriate media while adults talk. But this should be occasional.

8. OUTDOORS: Get children outside. The indoors will limit their understanding of their place in this universe. The sky, woods, water, sand, activity in nature; these spark creativity and wonder. Children will naturally become creative in nature, if you let them. Try not to be too limiting by not letting them get dirty, or risk something by climbing a tree. In an urban setting, explore all the uniqueness of the city. Try visiting as many parks as you can in this area and observe. Every Friday my husband takes my children on a hike. They have developed an amazing eye, they LOVE creation, they love to be together outside. Nature both empowers us and humbles us. The expansiveness gets us out of the limitations of our minds, but we also see ourselves as part of something greater. Our problems take on perspective.

9. SIMPLE TOYS: Only allow toys that inspire imagination. Steer away from any toys that are derived from movies or that require batteries. Blocks, Playmobil, Legos, costumes, Lincoln logs, toys for pretend, art supplies….this is all they need. Let them get dirty and make messes.

10. LIMITED MEDIA: Limit all media sources. Am I beating a dead horse? Please understand by my repetitiveness that this is the single most important instruction for preserving a child's imagination. Media deadens the imagination, simply by its form, much less its content. All media disengages you from the moment, causes you not to be present. Delay giving your child a phone. Our children receive one when they must for babysitting or driving, but only a dumb phone with no internet access. This can be done. Don’t let the world dictate to you what you have to do. My teenagers shared a dumb phone until this year when my son had to have his own at 18. We paid more to have a dumb phone even though we could have purchased a less expensive smartphone and turned off the internet access. Why? Because it is a gateway to distraction, a time stealer. The apps, the ease of texting makes it a constant battle. Instead, texting is so difficult on their phones, that they would rather call someone.

Consider very carefully before you buy video games. Once you do, you will be the constant adjudicator, having to say No over and over. Do not encourage personal music stashes. Your older children can have spotify lists on the family computer or on an old phone that everyone shares, but they must be accessible to the whole family. Do not hand your phone to children to entertain them and keep them quiet. Young children should be exposed only to media that is slow moving and does not assault them with fast moving images (consider brain development, as well as their capacity to handle over stimulation). For older children, encourage their group activities not to include media. Encourage fasts for seasons. My fourteen year old, after years of pushback on not being allowed to buy video games or watch certain movies has begun to thank us. He sees all that he has been able to accomplish in his free time.

Become prayerful gatekeepers. Consider the books, movies, music, video games, catalogs, friends, influences that come in your door. Use “Plugged In” or “Common Sense Media” to check up on movie reviews. Don’t just consider sexual content and language; consider what the movie’s worldview is. Preserving the Christian symbolic system is crucial to this. We must be aware when a subtle lie begins to seep into their imaginations. For instance, when children begin to see "cool" people as the virtuous ones, or they begin to think that self-promotion is the way to gain ground in the world or that sneaky, deceptive actions are rewarded, we need to trace their source. I always look for these subtle messages in movies and books. I remember years ago watching the movie Rio and loving the animation and the music. I could not help but notice the subtle message, though, in that the female bird was smart, brash, accomplished, intelligent, and resourceful, while the male bird was fearful, dependent, unable to fly, and easily influenced. If you watch carefully, this is a new common message in "family" movies. Women are portrayed attractive when they are braunish, sensual, loud, sassy, warriors, and the men are weak and malleable, needing to be remade. Gone is feminine tenderness, motherhood, and mysterious hidden virtue. Gone is masculine protectiveness, honor, sacrifice, and proper aggression. Insist that your children call you for permission to watch any movie at a friend’s house. (See my posts on media: "Meditation or Mediation," Dec. 12/15 "Incarnational Living, Living with Less Media," Feb.14/16)

AND THE BONUS ONE:

11. A COMMUNITY OF FRIENDS THAT HAS SIMILAR VALUES.

This is the extra one I put on the list now that my children are getting older. When they are young, you have so much control because you can manage their time and their friends. But by the time middle school hits, if they are the only ones without a phone, the only ones not allowed to see certain movies, the only ones that love being out of doors and doing creative things with their time, they will have only their siblings for friends. Now it is a great gift to have your siblings as your best friends, but by middle school, the world needs to expand beyond the family. It is important for our children to have friends that are not like them, who they can get to know and share time with, people who are not yet believers and who may be from a different culture. But if they do not have any like-minded friends, it will be extremely difficult.

Perhaps when you hear all this, you feel inspired. Good, you have heard the rallying cry. But perhaps you hear this and you feel exhausted. Good, you have realized the cost. Nothing of value is cheap. Since this is a battle, you will be called upon to be actively engaged. Ephesians 6 says that we battle not against flesh and blood….The two most essential components to your child’s healthy imagination is 1. Your presence: how can you do any of this if you are not with your child? 2. Your prayers: you cannot do it without the Holy Spirit.

May God bless you as you discern and love and pray. The treasure you have in your child is worth all of your investment. The imagination you have protected and nurtured will be one of your grown children's greatest resources and riches. When they are grown they will have the great capacity to live productive and fruitful lives in meaningful relationships with rich inner landscapes.